The other day I came across this ad for jeans while I was getting a pedicure. The name of the jeans were "not my daughter's jeans." In the magazine was a picture of a headless woman with the tiniest legs wearing a pair of modelesque boot leg jeans. I continued to flip through the magazine but I kept returning to the ad. Who is this headless woman? It definitely can not be a mom. I mean I don't think my forearm could fit into those jeans. I guess the ad was attepting to tak the stigma away from those controversial "mom jeans" and invent a new mom jean that everyone would love. Please! Did I say please! Please again! Are you serious? I am only 32 years old so I did not really have the priviledge of wearig mom jeans, because I think they had burnt them all during my high school years. However, every now and then you will catch an Alzheimer's patient walking around in your local grocery store or retirement center reminding us of what a mom jean is supposed to look like. I however never saw a problem with the jeans. Matter of fact, I wish they would bring back the original mom jean. I mean, it looked quite comfortable, sucked in your belly fat, hid your flaws, and made your wasit appear tinier. If I was to contort my body to fit in those "not my daughter's jeans" I would be pushing all the baby fat to my neck and then I would need a turtle neck. What's up with jeans anyway?
Remember when people started wearing low-waisted jeans. What idiot invented these jeans anyway? This led to a trend of everyone's backside hanging out and Brittney Spears virginal behind showing us her thong to thong, thong, thong. I mean I think three music careers took off due to low-waisted jeans. Good for them of course, but terrible for me. I mean I couldn't wear them now, nor could I wear them at 12. The criteria for those jeans was no ass, no hips, no waist, etc., etc. etc. We replaced those jeans with the skinny jeans. Millions of thick legged women, like myself were running into the Gap embarrassing ourselves and asking models perpetuating college kids for skinny jeans. Again many of us were fooled into believing that once we stepped into these jeans, poof we were skinny. But actually we appear fatter and more bloated. But then an angel appeared. Someone, a real woman, a mom invented the elastic band that stretches over the button to your jeans and connects with the other part of your jeans creating this magical elastic belt that allows the front part of your pants to expand. You don't have to worry about buttons busting, or pants getting too small. Just put on one of these magic elastic bands that can connect one part of your jean to the next and your can stay a size 4 forever and ever. Now that's an invention and it only cost $9.99.
Honey, who are you kidding...not only did you were low waisted jeans...you wore booty shorts...and made everyone JEALOUS! So save that for someone else who hasn't known your butt for 10,000 years...BUT I have one even better way to stay in a size 4...dont buy the elastic...get a rubber band and loop it in the loop and connect it to your button...thats how I got through 9 months of pregenancy....HEY i have a pair of "not your mother's jeans"...I look HOT! *snicker snicker snicker*
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