For Nana

When I was little I caught a butterfly in my hand. It was so beautiful with specks of gold, purple, and green. I wondered to myself where did this butterfly come from? How did she get here? I made up stories about how she was probably from royalty because of her purple color and rich texture. I thought maybe she could have been from wealth, because of the gold specks that danced around her wings so soft and elegantly. I envisioned that all the other butterflies were envious of her because she was green and illuminated when she flew from flower to flower. I loved her so much that I basked in her beauty. I wanted to keep her for myself forever and ever.

I asked my mother for a jar, and I put her in it so that she would never leave me. When we were alone, I let her dance freely all over my room and sometimes she would stop to kiss my nose. But one day to my surprise when I opened the jar she did not move, she did not dance, she did not illuminate. My beautiful butterfly was gone. And while I admired her for her beauty, and the time we shared I knew that that my room was not her world. What awaited her was a land rich with exquisite things like honey nectar, and dew drops, lemon grass, and rainbow casts a new journey for her to embark where she could dance freely and allow the world to bask in her beauty.

For Nana, Dedan and Dylan will continue to bask in all that you made beautiful.

What's wrong with my mom's jeans!

The other day I came across this ad for jeans while I was getting a pedicure. The name of the jeans were "not my daughter's jeans." In the magazine was a picture of a headless woman with the tiniest legs wearing a pair of modelesque boot leg jeans. I continued to flip through the magazine but I kept returning to the ad. Who is this headless woman? It definitely can not be a mom. I mean I don't think my forearm could fit into those jeans. I guess the ad was attepting to tak the stigma away from those controversial "mom jeans" and invent a new mom jean that everyone would love. Please! Did I say please! Please again! Are you serious? I am only 32 years old so I did not really have the priviledge of wearig mom jeans, because I think they had burnt them all during my high school years. However, every now and then you will catch an Alzheimer's patient walking around in your local grocery store or retirement center reminding us of what a mom jean is supposed to look like. I however never saw a problem with the jeans. Matter of fact, I wish they would bring back the original mom jean. I mean, it looked quite comfortable, sucked in your belly fat, hid your flaws, and made your wasit appear tinier. If I was to contort my body to fit in those "not my daughter's jeans" I would be pushing all the baby fat to my neck and then I would need a turtle neck. What's up with jeans anyway?

Remember when people started wearing low-waisted jeans. What idiot invented these jeans anyway? This led to a trend of everyone's backside hanging out and Brittney Spears virginal behind showing us her thong to thong, thong, thong. I mean I think three music careers took off due to low-waisted jeans. Good for them of course, but terrible for me. I mean I couldn't wear them now, nor could I wear them at 12. The criteria for those jeans was no ass, no hips, no waist, etc., etc. etc. We replaced those jeans with the skinny jeans. Millions of thick legged women, like myself were running into the Gap embarrassing ourselves and asking models perpetuating college kids for skinny jeans. Again many of us were fooled into believing that once we stepped into these jeans, poof we were skinny. But actually we appear fatter and more bloated. But then an angel appeared. Someone, a real woman, a mom invented the elastic band that stretches over the button to your jeans and connects with the other part of your jeans creating this magical elastic belt that allows the front part of your pants to expand. You don't have to worry about buttons busting, or pants getting too small. Just put on one of these magic elastic bands that can connect one part of your jean to the next and your can stay a size 4 forever and ever. Now that's an invention and it only cost $9.99.