He did his best!

Mothers as we check the breath, adjust the bow, remind them to grab their book bag, and finally wipe them down with some good old saliva juices the question arises in my mind have I truly prepared my children for school. This school year has definitely been a rough one, and while there are many more to come I sometimes feel like I might be the reason my Child is Left Behind.
I knew it was a little abnormal when my son could not hold a conversation without bouncing around in his seat, or cutting me off every time I spoke. But I do that. I love to listen, but I believe that I may bust open sometimes if I do not get my point across. So of course I assumed this was typical 3rd grade/31 year old mother behavior. However, typical third grade behavior turned into some really bad grades coming home. Of course I panicked as usual. Offered all of my teacher strategies, and diagnosis. The teacher replied, "He is definitely capable, he just does not focus." Focus turned into the mystery word at home. I used it whenever it felt right. "Son stop peeing on the floor, you need to focus more. Son, focus on eating your carrots. Honey, can you focus that television screen so that I can see it better. Little boy, are you focusing on the words that are coming out of my mouth?" Basically focus, focus, focus. Even after all my hard work with focusing my son was continuing to bring home papers that had big F's on it that screamed he needed to focus more.
I decided to do what any normal 21st century, former teacher, therapist twice a month mom would do. I had him assessed. Of course it was true. The words that no mom wants to hear but the pharmaceutical companies crave. "Your son has ADHD." Okay tell me something that I don't know. I was hoping for a quick fix, and what I got was your son needs to be medicated, attend therapy, and of course he will need an IEP. "You mean to tell me that this is not over." I could have swore that he would magically begin to make A's once I took the initiative and had him diagnosed. But of course he did not. After, we left the docotor's office all kinds of regret entered my mind. "I let him eat way too much candy. He needs an earlier bedtime. My ADHD has trickled down to him. We spend way too much time together." What I really felt bad about is all those times I fussed at him about bringing home bad grades. He told me he was trying his best, and I didn't believe him. I failed him. I did this.
Every Monday my son's teacher sends home a packet of last weeks work. For the last several weeks my son has not performed to0 well. A lot of sheets with F for Focus in large letters. I visited my son's class early Monday. My son of course was in the front of the class with his hand raised attempting to show Mommy how smart he truly is. His teacher pulled me to the side and told me that he did his classwork really well last week. He made some good grades; however, there were some tests that he did not do too well on and she did not stick them in his folder. He still has to review the wrong answers before they will be sent home. I smiled a sad smile and signed the papers.
Later that day Dedan couldn't wait to show me his folder. It was full of A's. He clapped his hands, even pumped his fist New Jersey style. Then he asked, "Mommy are you proud of me?" I responded, "Of course, you did your best!"

Skakita Johnson's smile

Have you ever found yourself flipping through Facebook, Myspace, Linkedin going through pictures of your old friends from high school or college. And suddenly you come across that one picture that holds your attention. Maybe its a friend, or a friendnemie, or possibly its the other girl. But when you look at her she looks back at you with this mischievious grin. One little grin that spoke a thousand words. This grin screams I got what you want. You tried, but you failed. I found it. The gold at the end of the rainbow. The last lucky charm.
The other day I was surfing one of my social networking pages, and I came across that grin. Shakita Johnson's grin. It wasn't really mysterious. It might have even resembled a smile more than a grin. What it was is happiness. My long lost friend had found something that I did not have. Something that was free and not for sale at Lord and Taylor's. It was joy. There was so much joy in her smile that I could write joy on every tooth that shown in that picture. I continued to stare at that picture, and I was captivated by her smile. I even tried it in my 24kt gold mirror. I attempted to replicate that smile and feeling. But every time I tried I fell short. Not enough teeth, or too much cheek. Plus my eyes did not look like her eyes did. Even her eyes were smiling. Her smile made me wonder what was she thinking? Who made her feel like this? Did she just get a promotion or just find out that she was pregnant? Neither one. Who was she smiling at? By the way that the picture was shot I could tell that only two people had been in that picture. It was her and her husband. In some pictures she was holding the camera and in others he was holding the camera. But one thing was sure. She was smiling back at him. He was the reason for her smile. It didn't seem like they had a lot in the picture. They didn't look like they possessed a very expensive car, or even owned a home. But they loved one another. He made her content, satisfied. He filled her cup, and she dranketh from it. That smile was so intoxicating that I almost wanted to cry. It enragd me. I felt guilt, envy, and joy all at the same time. I was happy for her. Even though I wished it was me. I was still happy for her. Shakita Johnson had a smile that spoke a thousand words and only her husband knew what those words meant to me.